frozen/balance

Have you ever woken up, got out of bed, ate some cereal, drank some juice, then sit down and the next thing you know 30 minutes have gone by and you haven't thought about or done anything? That happened to me this morning, and it wasn't the first time. Or probably not the last time either. This moment of temporary paralysis of the mind seems to happen pretty frequently. I start trying to figure out my morning/day/week/life and nothing comes out or in. I just sit there in some bizarre state of un-thoughtfulness sometimes for 30 minutes like this morning, sometimes even longer. I don't if it's good or bad, I just know I'm wasting away precious moments from my life where I could be doing something productive. However, there is a difference between just sitting back, relaxing, listening to music, having an occasional thought pop in and out, and just sitting there in what I will call non-thought. I hate when that happens but I don't know how to prevent it. Maybe it's just a way for my brain to say, "hey Joe, stop thinking for a few minutes and let me rest a second." Because even in my sleep my brain is running at 1000 times a second (whatever that means, I'm not quite sure, but it sounds pretty intense). Last night in my head I think I battled an entire army of crazy monster aliens. I don't remember much, just something about all my friends disappearing and trapped in some sort of maze/battle station thing and running around all crazy like. So maybe this non-thought moment this morning was my brain just taking a snooze while it had the chance. Who knows. I sure don't.

When Sara and I were on our Grand Canyon trip and I was driving I put in a couple of my Modest Mouse CDs and more than a couple of times Sara said, "I can't believe you like this music, it's so weird," or something like that. This morning as I was listening to some Modest Mouse I realized why I like them. I think it's because of their blend of beautiful, flowing songs, and rough, raucous, crazy rants. That's kind of how my life is like, going from some beautiful, romantic, whimsical moment or thought or event to some harsh, crazy, whoa-what-in-the-world-is-going-on thought, moment, or event. Modest Mouse in my opinion holds well that balance between the different worlds inside my head. If you're not familiar with Modest Mouse and want to be, I recommend listening to This is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about. They have a new album coming out in March I think, so I'm looking forward to listening to it and continuing to try to keep the worlds of Joe in perfect harmony and unison, which isn't always easy.