Worthless

Do you ever have those moments were you feel completely worthless? That's where I've been the past month of March. It's come on gradually, which is better I guess than being hit on the head with being horrible at life. The Month started great, I got a big job painting the entire exterior of a neighbor's house, which meant decent money for me and my roomate who was helping me out. Three days into the gig the client goes off on us, chewing us out for bogus things, and not giving any reason to why all of a sudden we suck as painters. So that sucked. Well, we finished up the job without any more stupid random hissy fits and the client went off to Alaska. But now bring in client's wife, who's the reason he blew up at us in the first place because she makes up bogus accusations and assumptions without getting the facts. And client's wife has to pay me. I gave her the bill second week of March. Fast foward two weeks later and I finally get the check for the job, and it's short. I'm afraid to call the lady cuz I really don't want to deal with psychobabble and still not get the money. But I know I need to confront her for the principle of the matter, but I'm such a pansy when it comes to confrontation and I just want to run away. Reason 1 why I'm worthless: sucky painter and can't deal with psycho client.

Reason 2: I'm not cut out for any career in life. I'm stuck being a part-time handyman/painter half of the time (so that means I work only a quarter of the time). It's not what I really want to do, but I'm not qualified for any other type of work that I'm remotely interested in.

Reason 3: I'm taking improv comedy classes, but I feel like after every class I get worse and worse and I'm not growing and learning and getting better like I'd like to.

Reason 4: I'm a horrible boyfriend who's afraid of love and commitment and all that other stuff that comes along with a serious relationship.

So now what? I don't know. I've been in this state before: feeling like nothing, running to stand still, not happy with job/life/relationship progress. And I guess I've moved on, but only to get stuck again. But I guess the most important thing is to learn from these downer periods and when I get unstuck and get going again, to move a little bit ahead of where I was before. I gotta keep truckin' along, and every now and then I'll get stuck in the mud and I'll spin my tires for a little while, but sooner or later I'll get out and move on down the road until the next mud puddle slows me up. But there's no way around them, you just gotta drive through and hope for the best.